The Red Files series
by Angelwings23123
Summary: What if Blair was a Pretender...? A fresh look at some old favorites. You'll never look at Cypher the same way again... AU, Crossover with Pretender
1. Prologue: Who Am I Now

Disclaimer: The characters are not mine, I'm just playing around with them for a bit.

Note: Each chapter is a Blair POV for a different episode, begining with 'Switchman' in chapter 1. For an added bonus, read the chapter then watch the corresponding episode--it gives it a whole new dimension.  
  
Please review, I'll be happy to answer any questions you might have.

What if Blair was a Pretender....................... 

Who Am I Now?

Who am I now? Blair Sandburg. Bouncy and awkward. Who I really am I don't know. I don't think I'll ever know. How do they see me? Or rather, how do they see 'Blair Sandburg'? I haven't really given them much to go on, and what I have...well, B.S. seems to fit it perfectly. 

I told them that I traveled a lot during my childhood. What a joke. The closest I'd ever gotten to travel as a child was watching images of faraway places flash on a view screen. Though, I have traveled more in the last few years then most people do in a lifetime. But, not for enjoyment, but out of necessity. Having to keep on the move to keep from being caught. Survival is everything. But, will I do whatever it takes for survival now? Now that I have something to lose...

I should never have gotten so close. I should know better than that. To keep my distance. But, I hate being alone. When you're alone everything that you've hidden from everyone else comes rushing in. When someone else is there I can still pretend...because I have to. I shouldn't have gotten this close...

Would they still be my friends if they knew the truth? Probably not. Sometimes I think they can tell that I'm different. Not the good kind of different, but the kind that people are afraid of. The kind that makes people look at you differently and with distaste. It's ironic how I can be anyone that I want to be except for the one thing that I want to be more than anything else--normal. I'll never be normal. One doesn't see the things that I see and be normal. But, still I pretend that I am...

"Who am I now?" --that's what David strived to find out. He was empty--a person without a self. Is that what I'm like? If I'm suddenly no longer 'Blair Sandburg', will I be like him? Pleading with someone to understand...to answer the question, "who am I now...?"


	2. Chapter 1: Sentinels

Spoilers for: Switchman  
  
Sentinels  
  
I received an email from Angelo containing information on a man named James Ellison and the name of a book by Sir Richard Burton. I was a bit confused on why I was sent this information until I read the book which was on Sentinels. A Sentinel has five heightened senses--right away I could see the advantages to this and how that ability could be manipulated. The Centre would be very interested if they found out this man was a real life Sentinel...  
  
I decided that I would have to be in Cascade for a fairly long period of time in order to inform him of what he was, and to help him get his senses under control--so as not to the draw the attention of the Centre. In order to do this, I situated myself at Rainier University as a grad student. I figured that Anthropology would be an appropriate field for what I needed to do and as I had just recently learned about 'hippies', I decided to ingrade that into my new identity as well. ( I think I like my hair long.) This could be fun.  
  
I approached Jim as a grad student pretending to be a doctor. This worked in getting him to Rainier in order to tell him about what he was. (Perhaps I went a bit overboard with the hippie act though, I think I'll tone it down a little in the future.) I also got to witness the 'zone-out' factor at which time I realized how dangerous that is to a Sentinel...  
  
We went to the mall in order to test some of his senses and I first asked him to try his sense of smell, but changed my mind and had him test hearing instead. He could tell what two girls where saying from quite some distance. (What's a 'dork'?) It will be interesting to find out how much range he has on all his senses...  
  
There is something about James Ellision that I just can't put my finger on. I like being around him and I know that I'll be sad when I have to leave. I know I can't stay here though and that I shouldn't get attached, but I fear that I already am...  
  
I've done all the research on Sentinels that I could prior to coming here. I poured over any and all information regarding heightened senses. I came up with experiments in order to test the extent that these senses are heightened and theories on how to control them. But, now that I've come face to face with a real Sentinel, I see now that it is much more complicated than that....  
  
He said that I could be his partner and that I would have to go to the academy first. I had not been expecting that. I told him that I couldn't on the pretense that I did not want to cut my hair and that I didn't like guns. While both of those are true, neither was the real reason. I could have approached him as a fellow police officer to begin with, but I didn't. I want to keep my distance and I knew it would be harder if I was. This way I could keep a professional distance. Now all I have to do is try and help him control his senses...and to make sure that the Centre doesn't find out about Sentinels.


	3. Chapter 2: Let's Pretend

Spoilers for Cypher  
Note: A 'sim' is a simulation.  
  
Let's Pretend  
  
When I found out about the case and how the killer was pretending to be his victims, I didn't want to believe it. Then, when he showed up at Major Crimes I knew it was true. We were each playing our roles perfectly...except for our eyes. They were saying 'I'll keep up your charade if you keep up mine.' And so he had and so had I. Our bodies going through the motions...all the while planning with our eyes--'let's Pretend.'  
  
Later I played the role of the victim. My lips were saying that he couldn't be me--my eyes were saying that we were the same. Outloud I spouted off about his childhood--my eyes telling him that I understood. His eyes where pleading. He didn't want to live this un-life any more. They had taken away his identity and that terrified him. It terrified me too. We played out these roles till 'help' came. He knew he would be killed and I knew it too. But still we kept up the pretenses--till the very end. I heard the shots and I knew that he was finally free. The last part of our little sim--only it wasn't a sim... Then, Jim asked me if I was ok...he didn't know and I couldn't tell him. I wanted to but I don't think that he would have understood. Besides, saying it outloud would make it too real... I wish I was the person he thought I was. Though, I guess I am in a way...  
  
I don't have nightmares about the things he thinks I do. And I've seen worse than what he encounters at his job... But the worst was seeing David. After all, maybe he couldn't be me, but I could have been him. I know his eyes will always haunt me--pleading with me for one last request--'let's Pretend'.


	4. Chapter 2b: Not One

A little tag to the last chapter.  
  
Not One  
  
Afterwards they talked about the case and a job well done. I wanted to shake them. To shout, "Didn't you see? Didn't you look into his eyes and see the utter hopelessness? Didn't you see his eyes pleading with you for help--for understanding?"  
  
One even had the nerve to remark that he hoped Lash had went to Hell. Little did he know that David had already been there. If one of them had seen... If one of them had noticed... If one of them had grieved for the loss of a life... I would have told them. I would have told them how David was finally free now. Maybe I would have even told them about me. But not one one of them had noticed. Not one. 


	5. Chapter 3: Love

Spoilers for: Love & Guns

Love  
  
I had no idea something like this would happen. Why the hell couldn't I remember to keep my distance? When I first saw her--she was beautiful, and there was just something about her... I didn't mean to get that close to her, I didn't mean to fall in love with her...  
  
Love. Do I even really know what that means? I don't think that I've ever been in love before. Is this what it feels like? This is the first time I've ever felt like this. Just thinking about her makes me happy. I wonder if she feels the same way about me...  
  
We were kissing and that was nice, but then she said that I would be her first... I mean, I had never really...and if she had never.... Reality reared its ugly head at that moment. She didn't even know me--the real me I mean, and I didn't want her first time to be under false pretenses. And we didn't have any protection--what if I got her pregnant? (The Centre would have a field-day with that one...) I needed time to think... But, I still love her and can't stop thinking about her.  
  
I told her that I loved her and she said that she loved me too. But, I have to try and remember that it's Blair Sandburg that she loves... (I wonder what she would think if she knew the real me...)  
  
She said that she was leaving, and that was probably for the best... I told her that I would be here if she ever came back, but will I? (I don't plan on staying in Cascade that long...) I miss her already, though... I know that I'll always remember her; after all, she was my first love. 


End file.
